Truth Is Bitter

Same strange as it was cute. It was a bizzare place where you could find very novel things. New erasers which could clean the pen trace. Beautiful notebooks that made everything seems magical. There were many things I'd like to have then, things such as modern styled pens which had lights, different colors or even a clock. In there you could find stationaries you saw some your well to do relatives and classmates had, what you wish to have, a pencilcase full of new and well color pens. I never thought to be in this place.

I look through the glass of display under his hands and realize that I am here with many things around me, notebooks, pens, caculators, whiteboards, markers and .... But I'm not so happy that I thought to be in my childhood. I am getting along with all things suffering me these days. I, however, still love the place and try to understand everything around.

Ali and Ehsan called but I hopelessly tried to conceal the truth. It was about to rain today when begging things and trees to comfort me. I totally am a surrender. There is no light in my soul. Sky sounds gloomy.

End of All My Wishes

At last, I arrived at the last point. I accepted what my heart did not like to. This can be the end. I think all people around me will be joyful at my decision. I had mixed feelings about the suggestion but the amount of debts and my family condition made me make up my mind. From now on, I have to try not to think about my situation. I have to learn not to think.

When at the university, I thought I would find a job to afford my things. Then I can get ready for MA entrance exam. I wished to go on my schooling and attain a good life. But Life scorns you by destruction of your wishes.

I thought I would put an end to all misfortunes but my portion in life seems to be suffering. I do not have any wishes any more.

I liked to say I will pursue my dreams but the truth is that I am too exhausted to do so. I feel oldness in deepest pores of my soul. The weather is gloomy these days and likely for good.

طرف ما

وقتی چشامون باز شد از زندگی سیـر شدیم

نفهمـیـدیم چی شد توی جوونیمون پیر شدیم

ما از وقــتـی چــشــارو وا کــردیم که جنگ بود

تـو دســــت بـــابـــا بـه جای قـلم تــفـــنگ بود

همـیـشه یـه پای زندگی واسه ما لنــــــگ بود

همــیشه جـــواب اعـــتراضـــمون که سنگ بود

بـــزار چـــشامـــو بــنـدم و بـــگـــم خـوشبختم

که پی آیــنده نـــیستم و به فردا چشم دوختم

تو دلــــت می خندی اگه تــــو ناز و نـــعــــمتی

آخه زندگی واسه ما یه چیز دیگـست لـــعــنتی

واســه مــــا لحــــــظه هایی که تو خــواب رفته

گریـــــه ی سرخ اون چشــــایی که خون گرفته

واسه ما این زندگی نیســت مثل جــــون کندنه

مثـــــل تو صـــبح زنده شــــدن و شــــب مردنه

مثـــــل یه مـامور به چـــــکای بـــــرگـــشتی و

دست و پـــــا زدن تــــوی فقر و بــــدبـــخـتی و

مثــــل اینـــکه دامـــنـتو رو ســــرت بــــگیری و

آبـــــروت بره تو مـــحلتـون بــخــوای بــــمیری و

بایـــــد خودت و بــفروشی هرجوری پول میخواد

تــو ســــرتم اگه میــــزنــن صـــدات در نـــمــیاد

یـــه زنـــدگی، یه قــسط آخـــر ماه، اجاره خونه

انـــسجام مــلـی-اسلامی زیر ســقـف ویـــرونه

به هرکی هرچی گفتم، کسی که چیزی نگفت

طـــرف مــــا همــیشه شبـــه، یـه شب مخوف

طـــرف مــــا مــــــــــــرگـــــــم تـــــــــاوون داره

طـــرف مــــا هـــــمـــه پـــیــادن یـه عده سواره

طـــرف مــــا کـــلـکــســیــون بـــدبـــــــخـتـیـــه

طـــرف مــــا هـــمه چی واســــه مـا بی معنیه

طـــرف مــــا جانــی تو دانشگاه درس می خونه

طـــرف مــــا عـــجــیب دانـــشـجـو تــو زنـــدونـه

طـــرف مــــا ملـیت یـه تخته سنگ شکستست

هویـــت اون دریــه که چـــهــارده قـرنه بستست

تـــو مـــحـــلــه ی مـــا آدما نصــــف قــــیمــــتن

ایـنـجـــا بـــه آدم قـــد یــه ســـــگ ارزش نمیدن

واســـه ما خیلی وقته که تو سری خوردن عادته

ولــــــی خدایی که میـــخنده به حالمون شاهده

اینــــجـا دلـــت گرفــــت خــــودکـــشـی راه حله

اینـــــجا زنـــدگی کــــردن از مــــردن مشکل تره

Shahin Najafi

Will dream come true

I do not know what is going to happen. I am not stressed out but I think I have to do something. But what’s the plan? I called Ali to ask him some questions about the IELTS exam. I gave him my experimental test scores and he foresaw the bands below:

Listening – 7

Reading – 6.5

Writing – 6.5

Speaking – 7

To tell the truth, if this happens, it’s shameful and shocking. I have to do something in the following 26 days. I think I have to do my best seriously and re-check all things. I need an eight band. By his prediction, that would be a dream. But I hope I’ll gain a dream-come-true band: 8