Truth Is Bitter

Same strange as it was cute. It was a bizzare place where you could find very novel things. New erasers which could clean the pen trace. Beautiful notebooks that made everything seems magical. There were many things I'd like to have then, things such as modern styled pens which had lights, different colors or even a clock. In there you could find stationaries you saw some your well to do relatives and classmates had, what you wish to have, a pencilcase full of new and well color pens. I never thought to be in this place.

I look through the glass of display under his hands and realize that I am here with many things around me, notebooks, pens, caculators, whiteboards, markers and .... But I'm not so happy that I thought to be in my childhood. I am getting along with all things suffering me these days. I, however, still love the place and try to understand everything around.

Ali and Ehsan called but I hopelessly tried to conceal the truth. It was about to rain today when begging things and trees to comfort me. I totally am a surrender. There is no light in my soul. Sky sounds gloomy.

End of All My Wishes

At last, I arrived at the last point. I accepted what my heart did not like to. This can be the end. I think all people around me will be joyful at my decision. I had mixed feelings about the suggestion but the amount of debts and my family condition made me make up my mind. From now on, I have to try not to think about my situation. I have to learn not to think.

When at the university, I thought I would find a job to afford my things. Then I can get ready for MA entrance exam. I wished to go on my schooling and attain a good life. But Life scorns you by destruction of your wishes.

I thought I would put an end to all misfortunes but my portion in life seems to be suffering. I do not have any wishes any more.

I liked to say I will pursue my dreams but the truth is that I am too exhausted to do so. I feel oldness in deepest pores of my soul. The weather is gloomy these days and likely for good.

طرف ما

وقتی چشامون باز شد از زندگی سیـر شدیم

نفهمـیـدیم چی شد توی جوونیمون پیر شدیم

ما از وقــتـی چــشــارو وا کــردیم که جنگ بود

تـو دســــت بـــابـــا بـه جای قـلم تــفـــنگ بود

همـیـشه یـه پای زندگی واسه ما لنــــــگ بود

همــیشه جـــواب اعـــتراضـــمون که سنگ بود

بـــزار چـــشامـــو بــنـدم و بـــگـــم خـوشبختم

که پی آیــنده نـــیستم و به فردا چشم دوختم

تو دلــــت می خندی اگه تــــو ناز و نـــعــــمتی

آخه زندگی واسه ما یه چیز دیگـست لـــعــنتی

واســه مــــا لحــــــظه هایی که تو خــواب رفته

گریـــــه ی سرخ اون چشــــایی که خون گرفته

واسه ما این زندگی نیســت مثل جــــون کندنه

مثـــــل تو صـــبح زنده شــــدن و شــــب مردنه

مثـــــل یه مـامور به چـــــکای بـــــرگـــشتی و

دست و پـــــا زدن تــــوی فقر و بــــدبـــخـتی و

مثــــل اینـــکه دامـــنـتو رو ســــرت بــــگیری و

آبـــــروت بره تو مـــحلتـون بــخــوای بــــمیری و

بایـــــد خودت و بــفروشی هرجوری پول میخواد

تــو ســــرتم اگه میــــزنــن صـــدات در نـــمــیاد

یـــه زنـــدگی، یه قــسط آخـــر ماه، اجاره خونه

انـــسجام مــلـی-اسلامی زیر ســقـف ویـــرونه

به هرکی هرچی گفتم، کسی که چیزی نگفت

طـــرف مــــا همــیشه شبـــه، یـه شب مخوف

طـــرف مــــا مــــــــــــرگـــــــم تـــــــــاوون داره

طـــرف مــــا هـــــمـــه پـــیــادن یـه عده سواره

طـــرف مــــا کـــلـکــســیــون بـــدبـــــــخـتـیـــه

طـــرف مــــا هـــمه چی واســــه مـا بی معنیه

طـــرف مــــا جانــی تو دانشگاه درس می خونه

طـــرف مــــا عـــجــیب دانـــشـجـو تــو زنـــدونـه

طـــرف مــــا ملـیت یـه تخته سنگ شکستست

هویـــت اون دریــه که چـــهــارده قـرنه بستست

تـــو مـــحـــلــه ی مـــا آدما نصــــف قــــیمــــتن

ایـنـجـــا بـــه آدم قـــد یــه ســـــگ ارزش نمیدن

واســـه ما خیلی وقته که تو سری خوردن عادته

ولــــــی خدایی که میـــخنده به حالمون شاهده

اینــــجـا دلـــت گرفــــت خــــودکـــشـی راه حله

اینـــــجا زنـــدگی کــــردن از مــــردن مشکل تره

Shahin Najafi

Bad News on the Way

I was walking down the street wondering the situation some gloomy people and I were in. I did not think they would interview us like this. It was humiliating.

I went toward the bellhop to ask him where the boss office was. He casted a glance at me and wanted to know why I was going to visit the manager. I answered but he sneered at me and showed the front desk place.

It was about 30 minutes that I had sat down in the armchair when a waiter came and told me to change my place to interviewers’ part. And it was not less than half an hour that a waiter gathered us up to a commodity where the interview was going to be held.

There were two girls next to me on the right and one girl at the back. I did not like to come back and see other interviewers. At the large table I sat down there were three men on the right and in front of me, two of whom were too old for doing this job. Silence was dominant in the saloon. No one talked with anybody. Two people without greeting and looking at us passed by our table and went to the end of the saloon where I could not see them.

After the first interviewer they called my name. They interviewed me and asked some irrelevant questions about my family. They told me my BA certificate was worthless for them and I had to receive as much money as other staff in there. Payment was around 320.000 tomans (about $290) each month that is the norm salary declared by Social Security Organization. In the second part of the interview session they asked me about my obedient from supervisors and bosses and warned me about 8 to 12 working hours while standing on feet. I knew they were looking for patience. So despite of all my rules and pride, I kept on patiently and pretend someone else.

I thought about lots of things, my mother, ever life, marriage, education and God. I don’t like the job, the staff and the bosses but I have to put up with the condition. I have to shrink myself to be fitted in this framework that is not mine of course. After two years when problems solve, I will be disembodied.

Good News on the Way

Last Saturday I got up and set off to a newsstand to buy a newspaper so as to look for a job vacancy. I had not stepped a few paces that Amir Hussein, a friend of mine in nasty military service, called me. I answered him and he broke great news that my military service card had been come. I was over the moon. Nobody expected to have their cards in upcoming six months, but my card was ready!

I went on my path and bought a newspaper. Coming back that I was ecstatic of course, I hastily opened the newspaper to find the first suitable job I could locate. Unbelievably, as soon as I opened it, I found one!

Tomorrow I'm going to be interviewed for the job opportunity. with the experience I'd gained over my military service, I never thought to be stressed out for doing anything, But as usual, Life wants to kid you, So it makes the situation worse, if not worst, so that you change your mind about certain issues you had absolutely and already made your decisions about.

Being assured for the case of Insurance, I am worried about the remuneration I will be suggested. The commuting way is good and close to my spouse's. However, everything is up in the air by the time they do not admit me. As usual I trust in God.